he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
