I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
