I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
