They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
