Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
