Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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