imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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