I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
