I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
