I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
