Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
