turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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