i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
