Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
