Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
