Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
