Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
