did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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