You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
