Moan for me like Helen Keller
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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