at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize