...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
