She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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