I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
