my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
