dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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