Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
