saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
