This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
