I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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