That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
