found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
