I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
