Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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