I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
