I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
