And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
