we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
