my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
