I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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