I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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