Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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