He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize