umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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