I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize