Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
