I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
