Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
