Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
