I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
