I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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