3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
