we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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