We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
