I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
