If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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