You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
