his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
