i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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