I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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