I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
