he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
