I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
