dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize