Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
