Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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