Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
