I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
