How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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