Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
