going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
