Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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