i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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