Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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