One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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