she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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