After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
